Being a single mother in this day in age is entirely too common. As a single mother, we are all in different situations that could range from divorce, infidelity, or even the death of a spouse. There is a stigma in society that single mothers are in a daily state of stress and depression because so much is placed on them; bills, food, child care, insurance and everything that goes into caring for a child. Once you are put into this situation your happiness is a choice. Try your best and do all you can on your own, even if that means playing the dad role when their father isn’t in the picture. I’m blessed for the fact that my kids’ dads are very involved in their life. However, that doesn’t take away the work load of having the biggest responsibility in life placed on my shoulders, raising a child. There is so much help available for single mothers, but government and state assistance sometimes are not enough. Child support only goes so far when you have bills, day care, food and let’s not forget all the extra activities your children are involved in. You must go above and beyond to access all the help you can get to ensure that your kids are taken care of.
I recently lost my job and the first thing I thought of were my kids. Would I still be able to provide for them like before? I made plenty of income to take care of them, but a new job right away is not always guaranteed, especially when you have a chronic illness like mine. Needless to say, this is not my defeat or problem, it’s merely just a temporary circumstance that I will overcome.
A huge problem with single mothers today is their neglect for themselves. You must take care of yourself as much as you care for your kids. It is ok to take time for you, take time to reflect or even take yourself on a date. No need to spend any money, just make it YOUR TIME. Your sanity is everything and your children will feel the same pressure and stresses you do. Remember, this is not their battle, it’s yours.
You also need support. I don’t have a ton of family, but the family and friends I do have I value. Any help or advice they give me I welcome with open arms. The key is to check your pride. Ask for help when you need it. Yes, you must do the best you can, but you are only one person. I have three children and most times I can’t be in three places at once.
Take pride in your strength. You are a saint, a super hero and a rock star in your children’s eyes. So why not believe in yourself, give yourself that pat on your back every time you get through a rough day. At the end of the night, when you know you did your best to make sure those kids were fed and got to school that day safe, reward yourself. You are living it and doing it everyday on your own, you deserve it. This is the hardest job in the world but also the most rewarding, and money can’t buy that satisfaction.
I sometimes ask myself if I am doing all I can to be the best mom I can be. I am left with the same realization every single day. Yes, I am a good mom. I may be a single mom, but if I can raise three happy children every day on my own I am teaching them to be independent by me being a responsible parent.
Also, as single mothers, we need to support and encourage each other. This is key. Don’t just reach out for help when you or your kids need it but offer continuous love to your fellow single moms. One day they will be there for you when you need it the most. We are strong and courageous, and as single moms we might just be some of the strongest people out there. But don’t be afraid to break down and cry. Reach out to churches if that is your belief, you can also ask for government help. They have food stamps, WIC and even medical insurance if you are low income or out of work. If you feel it will help, it’s ok to see a therapist if you feel overwhelmed. If you need support for your children there is so much love, support and assistance out there. Put yourself out there and give it 100%. Help is not synonymous with weakness, you are a human being and don’t need to apologize for it.
Nothing is impossible, and everything is within reach even, in the lowest of lows and the hardest of times. Our children are the motivation to keep going. They need us, and we need them. Combined, we are a shining light of hope and love. The only thing standing in the way of your dreams, and the love you want in your life, is YOU. I may not be perfect, I may not make a six-figure income and yes, I have been married and divorced twice. Current marital status is irrelevant. But there is one thing that will never change, I am is tenacious. You too, have the fire within you. Nothing is stopping you from being the best mom you can be.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and I hope these words of wisdom help you to see the potential in yourself and find your POWER to be the best you possible.
Love light and equality to all.
Love you so much,