Killing Kittens…

A Swingers Club Experience with Valerie Baber

Some refer to it as a “swingers club” while others would refer to it as a “Lifestyle club”. I think of it as more of a lifestyle club because, to me, the point of the community isn’t to have reckless sex or pair with as many strangers as possible. It’s not necessarily about swapping and if there were a swap of partners, it wouldn’t be for the sake of getting some strange. For me, this long-term, shallow exploration of an alternative lifestyle is meant to develop relationships with like-minded people. The result may be mental or erotic, but either way, it’s new and fun.

My trio had their first and my second Killing Kittens experience in LA this Cinco De Mayo. My (newish) boyfriend and I are not, by any means, bored or uninspired with our sex life. We are both very open-minded and take similar views on extended monogamy. Believe me, this isn’t possible in a healthy relationship and if your partner is telling you it is he or she is lying to you. We aren’t interested in tainting our relationship. Instead, we want to be honest from the start.


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My platonic friend a divorced techie, went as our guest, not because she was looking to get laid, but because she was curious. I recognize her curiosity as simply needing to be approached at the right time and place by the right person. To be convinced to do something she had never seriously considered before.

We all end up doing things we say we’d never do. Frequently, we become better people for having done these things.

Nothing happened for any of us. As we sat on the couch, I navigated my way through varying emotions as different duos approached us. Overall this was a fun bonding situation that everyone should get to experience. It allowed us the chance to question our feelings, our behavior, and boundaries in a way that theory alone cannot do.

Regardless, the environment was erotic as it was sexy to know that we were surrounded by other very normal people who had similar outlooks on life. There’s something sexy about knowing things could happen if we so chose. There’s is something sexy about knowing a stranger is getting it on in the room next door. What’s even more exciting is the fact you get to watch, this brings ‘Peeping Tom’ to a whole new level.


Something is freeing in safe exposure, revealing everything, yet being respected at every move. There’s also something incredibly strengthening about knowing you’ve tested your limits and are prepared for anything (in reality, not just in theory). Often, the realities are far less scary, extreme or crass than our imaginations permit us to believe.

The ill-informed may consider such clubs and communities sleazy. Perhaps some are. But most are quite refined and organized in a way that can be incredibly enhancing. To truly understand the purpose of these groups and grow strong enough to handle the realities of complex human sexuality, you must keep an open mind.

Tune in Next Week for Part 2 of Killing Kittens with Valerie Baber.

Also Tune-in to Valerie’s New Podcast SEX & SOCIETY PODCAST ON APPLE NEWS.

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