“If I confront him about the Tinder messages, I’ll look crazy. But if I don’t, I’ll look like a pushover. You just can’t win!!
Clara exclaims as she’s stressing over how to approach this messy sitch.
To recap in the most simplest terms: Mitch is a snake. And he is obviously still considering himself “in the market” if he’s still actively using dating apps.
Defining a relationship is always filled with question marks, unspoken rules, and just a general sense of “WTF is going on?”- but truth be told, if you avoid the conversation, you will just end up hurt when you realize you and your S/O are on completely different pages.
“Well if he wants to play games, we’ll play right back” I say to Clara. So Clara and I scheme up a completely made up scenario to make Mitch jealous. Immature, I know. When will the devious play end? Stay tuned…
We have to come up with a story that sounded realistic enough to be believable, but threatening enough to turn the tables on Mitch. We settle on telling him Clara was asked out on a date by our fictional hunky “Joshua”. We make him the ideal 6’4” tall, dark and handsome baseball player that would assure a reaction out of Mitch.
Clara tells him that Joshua, being the sexy confident man that he is, approached her in a park, told her she was beautiful, and asked to take her to dinner sometime. Clearly we have been watching too many rom-coms. Was our story realistic? Not in this day in age. But effective? Absolutely.
It’s a good thing Mitch can’t see the evil grins on our faces while our plan plays out beautifully over the speakerphone. By Mitch basically questioning the status of the relationship out loud, he set the stage perfectly for the long overdue “what are we?” talk.
Oh no. Word vomit.
Clara covers her mouth in disbelief of what she just said. There is a quick moment of panic before I mute the phone and help her clean up her mess before he even has a chance to respond.
“Ok ok- you’ve already said it, you can’t go back. So just be honest and tell him you saw it and ask him what his intentions are” I say cooly to calm Clara down so she doesn’t say anything else she regrets.
Clara un-mutes and does just that.
“I mess around on my dating apps sometimes when I’m bored but I haven’t message anyone since you and I started talking,” says Mitch; and the honesty in his voice is convincing.
“Ok, I believe you. I just think it’s a conversation we should have so that we can be clear about this type of stuff in the future”.
Although I’m very happy for the two of them, did it really take a fake story and an attempt to make Mitch jealous to define the relationship…? In this case, yes. But it shouldn’t! The earlier you have the talk, the less likely you are to question every move you make in your relationship.
However, not all cases work out as smoothly and in your favor as Clara and Mitch’s did. When the relationship is defined and you’ve established commitment- congratulations! Welcome to the honeymoon stage of first posts together and introductions to friends and family. But when the talk isn’t as definitive and you don’t get anywhere with your S/O- take this as a major red flag. You want to choose someone who chooses you. And if they aren’t willing to make that move, then they don’t deserve you!