“You’re right, I’ve had enough,” says Clara. “Why do I even want to be with someone if he doesn’t want to be with me?” And in that moment, I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of my friend.
After Clara started to see Mitch’s commitment-phobe coming in hot, she finally decided that she deserved better than how he’s been treating her. So, of course, we have a super girly empowerment moment that consists of “YAASS QUEEN!”’s and physical raised hands emojis. Between him blowing off part two of their date night AND texting mixed signals, Clara realized that his games were getting old.
She made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t reach out first. For a week, she would wait for him to text her first or for him to invite her to hang out.
because why communicate your feelings when you can just play mind games instead??
For an entire week, Mitch did not reach out to Clara. Not a call, not a text, not a snapchat, nothing. I understand not feeling the need to text her all day everyday, especially because they’re not even really together. But for him not to even reach out to make plans for the weekend shows how little he cares.
Although she’s bummed about Mitch’s gamophobic ass ghosting her, she still decides to go out and get drunk with me. Correction: in this moment, I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of my friend. We go to the bar that Mitch and his group of friends are always at. So, naturally, we get drunk enough to face the awkward encounter that we know will most likely happen.
As girls, we consider every possible scenario of situations like these. We like to go into a likely situation already having a plan of how we will respond to it. In this case, Clara was making sure she was fully prepared to run into Mitch at the bar.
Scenario A: “I’ll just be the bigger person and go up to him”
Scenario B: “I’ll just pretend not to see him and maybe he’ll come up to me”
Scenario C: “What if I start drunk crying and yelling at him?”
After many contemplation’s and acted-out scenarios (I’d like to believe I make a pretty good Mitch), we were going with B. Why should she give him the time of day when he has been showing such little effort?
Sure enough, Mitch’s drunk ass comes stumbling up to Clara the second we walk into the bar, she doesn’t even have to pretend not to see him. He’s being extra touchy and nice to her- presumably due to his BAC- and Clara is loving every minute of it. But within a split second, I see her expression change- from giddy and focused on him, to distant and confused. I quietly mouth “what’s wrong?” and she subtly gestures down at Mitch’s phone on the table. I inch up to get a better look and sure enough, I see exactly what upsets her: his phone is blowing up with Bumble and Tinder messages.
I quickly pull the “We’re going to go pee” card so that we can discuss the matter in the bathroom (yes, that is what us girls are really doing when we’re gone half an hour). Clara tells me that instead of bringing it up tonight while they’re both drunk, she’s just going to confront the matter directly the next time they hang out. She figures it’s better to just ask him straight up about it now rather than find out later on. And I couldn’t agree more.
When confronting the topic of whether or not they are still active on dating apps can be a little tricky. You don’t want to jump the gun and just assume they are playing you. The usual first thought is “how many other people are they having sex with?” But don’t allow these thoughts to consume your mind. Just because people are messaging them doesn’t necessarily mean they’re messaging back. Also in a lot of cases, they may have used it before and just haven’t deleted the app.
But who knows- he could also be a serial player that will leave you needing an STD screening ASAP.
My point being- you just never know. So, don’t automatically accuse. Ask with honesty and hear them out, because you could be oddly mistaken.
Find out what Mitch has to say when Clara intends to define the relationship once and for all.